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Art. What an awesome thing. But the weird thing is, it's not even a thing. Its boundaries are endless. But that would mean it has no boundaries. What spurs it on? Where is it heading to? Why is it calling out to you? And me.

And so it begins. A winter break that could change my life or my character. Or maybe not. It could be a time of adventure and hope and promise. Or it could be a time of slumber, dreariness and rest.

I wish I had an all-encompassing meta-philosophy that I could work with. Something like ‘love Jesus and everything will be okay.’ Or maybe ‘glorify God in all things.’ I had times when I thought that I had arrived at the ultimate philo-phrase of my own. It worked for a little while. And I guess things which work for only a little while aren’t really ‘ultimate’ or ‘all-encompassing’ after all. I have not arrived. How very fortunate. Seriously. I think it is absolutely freeing; it feels as if an enormous burden has been lifted off my shoulders. This is when my soul finally grasps that there is something out there bigger than I will ever be. Something. Or a someone. He might know that mysterious, secret meta-truth or philo-phrase… if there were such a thing as that.

As for me, I’m pretty sure my head wouldn’t be able to handle a Truth of that proportion and wonder. I might not even find it out after a lifetime of searching! But I say that not in a “I’ve given up” sort of tone. No. My part of the play is still going on. I know that because I have the desire to know, to see, and to be part of the Final Act. This is when the whole truth of the story will be revealed. A time when Time stops. And eternity begins. So I’m still looking. And looking. And searching. I’ve got lines to say. I’ve got parts to play. With my life, I’m telling my own story, weaving it into my family’s story, and today (because you’re reading this) into your story… and someday (hopefully) my children’s stories. All these intricately-assembled, free-flowing brushstrokes of stories will someday help tell of an epic, grand painting. The Story of God and His glory.

Can anyone measure the oceans by handfuls or measure the sky with his hands? Can anyone hold the soil of the earth in a cup or weigh the mountains and hills on scales? Can anyone tell the Lord what to do? Who can teach him or give him advice? With whom does God consult in order to know and understand and to learn how things should be done? – Isaiah 40:12-14 (TEV)

To tell you the truth, I'm feeling quite tense as I type these words down. After all, it is my first time revealing my journal to any sort of publication. Being the foremost article in what I hope would be a series of them published here, it's best if I start by telling you two of my goals and purposes for writing.

Someone Please Like Me

I can't believe you even need to ask. It's the P-word, of course. 'P' for Popularity. Or Fame. Or... Money! (though that is highly unlikely because Muleskinner writers do not get paid.) I'm joking. The reason I'm writing is because of my insecurity. Yes, I do want to be a 'someone.' I want to prove that I matter in Warrensburg. (Just one of our baby-steps to world domination, Pinky) Here's a real story for you to get an idea of how insecure I am. I'm a foreigner. A Malaysian, to be exact. My family lived in huge trees and ate kitten bones. Please don't sue me. I'm also married (only on Facebook.)

And I always thought that my nose was too wide. A proper diagnosis of this psychological condition would be the "Michael Jackson complex." Mom instilled in me the belief that if I squeezed and pinched on my nose long enough, it will get higher and sharper. To this day, you will still find me squeezing on the cartilage of my nose, especially when I get nervous. Just ask my friends. There was once when I pinched on it for so long and so hard that it ended up looking like someone had chewed on it. But it works, dude. It works. (Does that give you an idea of the extent of my insecurity?) Oh by the way, I flex my non-existent pectoral muscles in front of the mirror for five minutes everyday when I shower. Yes, that’s why I write. Because I’m better than you. Or at least my delusional mind tries to tell me that I am. So would someone please, please, please like me.

My Brain Hurts

Secondly, I hope to spur dialogue and conversation. In other words, I want to incite some activity in all our brains. To the point that it hurts to even think. Sometimes I feel like kicking some people in the butt and shouting "Grow up!" Oh, but it's not anyone here at Central, of course! Central's such an intellectual college. We're so 'intellectual' that we don't even have to be on the top 100 colleges in the US to prove we're smart. I learned in a General Psychology course that kids reach an age when they start to realize that other people do exist, and the world does not revolve around them. I tell you the truth, some kids never grow up. Here's a cool experiment for you to try on your own: try counting the number of times you bring the focus of a conversation back on yourself. Just for one day. Furthermore, I wished us students dialogued and actively thought about faith and God more. I wished students cared about the “big” issues such as: social justice issues, poverty, discrimination, pollution, freedom, the environment, etc. Anything. Please. Give me anything beyond "me, myself and I."
“But… King, are you so sure that you care?” No, I don’t. At least not as much as I know I should. So let’s all together kick ourselves in the bottom, grab hands, and say “Grow up, grow up.”

Read:
Numbers 21:4-9
Acts 17: 22-28

The Israelites were not comfortable. Not at all. Not only was there a shortage of ‘good food’, now fiery-colored snakes were coming out of nowhere and killing them off. God did not answer the prayers of the people in the way they hoped for. God did not remove or take away the snakes. People were still being bitten, except that this time they could look at the bronze snake Moses made and be healed. I wonder why they called on Moses to pray for them (v7). Couldn’t they ask God themselves? If not, what was stopping them from doing so?
It is intriguing that God used a bronze ‘snake on a pole’ (SOAP) to save the people from …other bronze snakes. Why didn’t God just remove the snakes from their midst? This would be my guess: If God chose to remove the snakes in one fell swoop, maybe those who haven’t been bitten will never know the agony of poison seeping through their bodies. The way God carried this out, it was made possible for people to play a part in their own healing and growth. (Although it is a small part indeed. Or is it?) Those who wanted to die, could die. They didn’t have to do anything; they didn’t have to search out the SOAP or anything. On the other hand, those who still wished to see the promised land, but were poisoned by the fiery snakes, could choose to be healed by the SOAP. I can choose. We can all choose. Furthermore, God is determined to make us interact with Him, and not just worship and offer sacrifices to Him and keep the law.

It seems to me that God is always looking to give us a part to play in this story we call Life. And to me, that is quite amazing. God has got a plan for me to become someone. My role here on earth is not just to make it go round. Not just "keep the faith" till I'm dead.

God This shouldn’t be in its own category, actually. God is present in all. God is the source of my life and being. How can I bring Him down to the level of studies, jobs, et cetera? But for convenience’s sake, I will do it this way. First, I must confess that I have not been able to sit down and be still for more than an hour, for the single purpose of listening to the Lord and seeking Him in prayer. I used to journal so often. Loved it. But the peace is still there. I am blessed by it. I’m surviving by tasting the little rain drops and sipping the dew on the leaves. I can now see God moving in people and situations or ways that I never thought possible. It brings comfort, but how long can I last? Even Jesus withdrew by himself to drink from the refreshing waterfall. Studies Schedule is not bad this semester. My afternoons are mostly off. I get to take naps. Hate having sunlight shining on my face while I’m trying to sleep. 4 classes on Tuesday and Thursday, and only one on the rest of them. It’s nice getting out of my first class and thinking: “oh wow. I’m done for today. huh.” Physics is really boring. I got into a Jane Austen class without even knowing it was a Jane Austen class. Now I’m forced into carrying a copy of Pride and Prejudice and Emma and Sense and Sensibility etc.. It’s the only way to finish them in time for quizzes. Doing some desktop animation in Multimedia 1, which is pretty cool. I wish I didn’t lose my digital camera though. Would have been able to do some nice projects. My Mass Comm Law book still hasn’t arrived. Sigh, I’ve got to do some Alito research. Spanish 2 is okay. The teach talks so fast sometimes …in Mexican… uh… Spanish. Job Prayed for a job. And I got it. Had to apply for tons before I got it. Working in a computer lab. Which is where I am right now. The hours they gave me are a little extreme (supposed to stay here till 2am) but it’s do-able. Minimum wage. Okay because I don’t really consider it work. Real work is when I get to wear work gloves and get filthy. Like what Carson’s doing at the Community Center. “Girls are more disgusting than guys.” Work as a janitor cleaning out the bathrooms and you will know. Also, I had an awesome interview for another job, and I got it. A job Dad always wanted us to have: a telemarketer. “Train up your confidence and speaking ability,” says he. So Will, my prospective employer taught me some things. He says I need my alone time- was I so sure that I could handle two jobs? I wanted to say ‘Yes’. College is the last time in your life to be free. I know that, sir, but I want to grow up. Oh, you don’t have to rush it, boy- it’ll come. Actually I sort of knew that. Many people have told me so. But I needed you, a very kind stranger, to tell me. Okay. Well, at least I get to tithe. Resolutions I just bought my swimming goggles. Yes, I resolved to go swimming regularly. Currently, that resolution is going better than I expected- I’ve got friends who want to go also. I was just there this evening with Dan and Jeremy. How about “expecting paradoxes in life?” Honestly, I haven’t seen that prayer/resolution fleshed out clearly yet. Maybe I will. Thirdly, I submitted an article to Muleskinner. Talked to the opinion editor, and she said everything was fine. I expected it to be published. Well, it didn’t. Heh. It’s alright. God will do whatever He wills. And fourthly, I resolved to “treat Meg right” (although I worded that differently). And who am I to be a judge of my progress in that? I am biased. I can only hope and strive and pray for strength to do it. Want to know more? We’re planning our next date. That’s all I can say. BSU Ah. My wonderful community. I have stopped playing music and leading worship. “Taking a sabbatical” as Robbie puts it. However, I have a bunch of Manly Men. That’s what I’m calling my lifegroup. They are going to be an awesome bunch. Yesterday we did some soul-searching and “wound”-searching. Went through session 4 of The Journey to Authentic Manhood. Thus, “The Manly Men.” From now onwards, I am determined to be cinched tight to these guys as we “climb the mountain of authentic manhood.” Kyle, Andrew, Brett, Sadiq, Josh, Jon, Chris, Dan, Nathan. These people will be my priority. So Lord help me. Family Well, this post is an update for the big P: parents. It was a good good Christmas Break with the family. Good and honest discussions. Your friends are wonderful and definitely agreeable. What else? Sing of His love …. Forever.